How did I get it?

Okay, so how did I develop OCD and what exactly is it?

I have a better grasp of the first part of that question than I do of the second part.

I developed, "got", began exhibiting symptoms of, or was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder when I was 27 yrs. old after the birth of my son.  But the seeds of OCD were sown much earlier than that -- when I was in the womb.

As I understand it, the source of this disorder lies in the coming together of three different aspects of my life.  The first is genetics.  I was born genetically "pre-disposed" to developing OCD. It is as if my brain was created with a special garden in its make-up that has fertile soil that was just waiting for the seeds of OCD to be planted.  

The second "prong" of the OCD trifecta is environment, or the events of my life that produced the "seeds" of OCD that landed in the fertile soil in my brain.  Is this garden metaphor still holding for you?  An example of one seed would be my birth order.  I am the oldest of three daughters in my family.  The way that I interact with the world around me was determined in my childhood by the way I interacted with my siblings and my parents.  I was a classic over-achiever who was always trying to impress my parents.  Other "seeds" planted in my early years might be the kind of parenting that I received, the values of the community in which I was raised, and significant events in my early years that would have reinforced my need for control.

The third prong is a traumatic or dramatic event in my life.  This prong would be the "trigger" that brings on the full blown Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  Most women who are pre-disposed to OCD develop it in their late twenties.  So it is no surprise that many women develop OCD after the birth of a child.  

So I had the potential to develop OCD because of my genetic make-up, but it was the combination of the circumstances of my childhood and teen years, and the birth of my child that brought on the actual "disorder".  

Before my son was born, I was an anxious person, but I did not suffer from OCD.  After I went through the ordeal of labor and delivery, I found myself struggling with obsessive thoughts and the compulsion to wash and re-wash my hands -- thoughts and behaviors that I did NOT have before that time.  I read a theory that women who develop OCD after childbirth produce an over-abundance of the hormone oxytocin  (pitocin is a drug form of oxytocin that doctors give mothers to induce labor).  I don't know if this is true, but I do know that I came out the other side of childbirth with my brain totally re-wired -- and not in a good way.

I am going to give this blogging thing another try.  So even though I know nothing about meta tags or anything else about blogs except how to write and post one, I will continue to write.

There are so many things about OCD that I could write.  I have chosen to start with a more "looking from the outside in" kind of view instead of my day-to-day battle.  I don't want to go into details about my struggle with the disorder without first writing about the disorder itself and what it entails.

The problem is that I am not a doctor, researcher, scientist, or psychiatrist.  So I can only write what I have learned about the disorder from living it for 17 years, reading about it, and talking to other people who suffer from it.

What OCD is NOT: it is not being a "neat-freak"

      it is not obsessing over having everything "perfect" or "in place"

Can a person with OCD have these qualities? Yes.  But they are not in and of themselves evidence of the disorder.

Basically, the behaviors and compulsions are not OCD unless they significantly hinder you in your day-to-day activities.  For example, if you have so much anxiety about whether or not you left the iron on that you need to take it in the car with you on your way to work, you don't have OCD.  But if you take the iron with you, and check every window lock three times, and make your husband look at the oven and verify that yes, it is indeed off and then then finally leave for work an hour late -- that is OCD.  

No, I don't do any of the things listed in the paragraph above.  People with those behaviors are considered "checkers".  Checkers are the second most common form of OCD.  Number one is contamination fears, or "washers".  That is what I have.  And that is a subject for another blog post. . . 

Going to Napa

Things required for me to get on a plane and fly across the country. 
-Lots of ziplock bags.
-Packing my own towels and sheets.
-Cleaning supplies so that I can clean the bathroom myself when I get there.
-Nothing to drink beginning at least twelve hours before departure because I can not use a rest room.
-An increased amount of anti-anxiety drugs.
-snug but comfortable clothing with no metal on it so that I won't have to be patted down
-A flying companion to do two things: 1) be a barrier between me and any 'stranger' that might be sitting in our row on the airplane    2)keep me from drooling or snoring during the flight because the anti-anxiety drugs won't get through to my brain until AFTER I have jumped through all the hoops required at the airport and I have forced myself onto the aircraft and have survived take-off.
-Sisters and a mother who have been warned of what they are in for and promise not to be irritated.
-Last, but not least, a giant size package of Wet Wipes for just about everything.

** Note that I don't go to these extremes because I am a 'clean nut', but because failure to do any or all of the above could trigger seismic explosions in my brain screaming that I am going to DIE, and that isn't a fun feeling.

OCD in movies

So, as a better example, take Jack Nicholson's portrayal of a man suffering from OCD in As Good As It Gets.  First off, I like the title a lot.  OCD is a chronic brain disorder.  Anyone who suffers from it will never be "cured".  It isn't like a broken leg or an infection that a doctor can cure.  But with good medical treatment you can reduce the compulsions and greatly improve your quality of life.  But there comes a point where you say, "this is as good as it gets."

I am not a fan of Jack Nicholson the actor, but I think his portrayal of a man suffering from OCD was right on.  He suffered from the most common kind of OCD -- cleaning compulsions, or an irrational worry about germs in the everyday environment.  They didn't try to add on other compulsions that don't belong with this type of OCD (as they did in Monk).  The movie stuck with the cleaning compulsions and portrayed it very accurately.   The fact is, the fears are very irrational, and likely make absolutely no sense to anyone except the person battling the disorder.  Also, the obsessions and compulsions are going to be unique to the individual.  There is no across-the-board behavior for those suffering from this kind of OCD.  They portrayed Nicholson's character very uniquely.  For example, he could eat at a restaurant, but he had to bring his own silverware and sit at the same table.  He could leave his apartment, but he needed a fresh pair of gloves each time to navigate door handles, etc. . .     The movie also demonstrated ( but not overtly) the way that behavioral therapy is used in treating the disorder.  When Nicholson's neighbor was forced to move in with him, his anxiety and thus his compulsions increased, but the longer the situation continued and he chose to push through the anxiety because he wanted to impress the waitress (Helen Hunt), the less the situation caused him anxiety.  Increased exposure to what triggers the compulsions, and staying with the exposure despite the overwhelming anxiety, is the core of behavioral therapy.  In the case of this movie, it is my personal opinion that Nicholson's character was successful because he chose to put himself through the difficult situation with his neighbor because he was in love.  No one forced him.  And that is why it was successful.  

OCD in TV and Movies

This is not only my first time blogging, it is my first time writing about the personal and private hell that has been my battle with OCD for the past sixteen years.  I have never written about OCD because it isn't a "positive, upbeat, made-me-a-better-person" kind of illness.  It is hard, it is a daily battle, and thought no one would ever want to read about something so hard to explain and depressing.  But now I am seeing more and more references to OCD in popular culture -- some accurate and some incredibly inaccurate, and so I decided to start writing about it.  My aim is more to inform about the reality of the illness versus the perception rather than just to inform.

so rather than jump right into the deeply personal stuff, I thought I'd make my first blog about how OCD is portrayed in TV and movies.  I'll start with the television show "Monk".  I only watched the first season of this show.  I stopped watching because I was frustrated with the way that they were portraying a very complex brain disorder that is OCD on that show.  Some aspects of the character Monk were correct and true to the experience of OCD, but the show added on many more quirks and characteristics in order to make the character more comical -- and less true.  The fact that the show makes Monk out to be a comical but love-able weirdo is not helping people understand the fact that OCD is just as real and as debilitating an illness as diabetes.  Without going into a detailed analysis of what is right and what is wrong about the show, I can say that the fact the Mr. Monk's compulsions are so obvious to the viewer is the very reason why he doesn't accurately portray someone suffering from OCD.  Most sufferers of OCD are very adept at hiding their obsessions and compulsions and they suffer the disorder in private, never letting on to those around them how difficult "normal" life is for them.

Next up, Jack Nicholson's portrayal of a man suffering from OCD in "As Good As It Gets".